PHASE THREE: DISCARD

1. Did your relationship reach a critical point because:
   1. You discovered he was cheating
   2. He attacked you physically
   3. After a particularly horrible fight he leaves or you ask him to leave
   4. He leaves without any explanation
   5. He leaves to “clear his head”
   6. He leaves you for another woman
2. At the time of the discardDiscard When the victim asks for compromise, reciprocity, empathy, integrity, honesty, and boundaries (all healthy More did he blame you for the fight, affair, emotional or physical violence, or lie, deny and refuse to take any accountability for his actions or behavior? blame shiftingBlame shifting is an emotionally abusive behavior or tactic. Abusers have difficulty taking responsibility for problems. More gaslighting  pathological lyingPathological Lying Narcissists view other people as objects and feel completely justified in exploiting them. Lying More
3. Do you feel as if your entire life has imploded? Do you then begin to discover and uncover things about him that he had lied about for weeks, months or even years? pathological lyingPathological Lying Narcissists view other people as objects and feel completely justified in exploiting them. Lying More
4. Had he been having a long term affair, multiple affairs, or using sex workers? Did you discover that these things had been occurring for weeks, months or even years and that he had been lying to you, putting your health at risk, and creating a fantasy world that is not based in any reality? gaslightingGaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person covertly sows seeds of doubt in a More entitlementNarcissistic Entitlement refers to a belief that one’s importance, superiority, or uniqueness should result in getting More
5. Do you begin to piece together your life with him with this new information and start to see that your life with him was never what you thought it was and more importantly, that he was NEVER who he pretended to be? Do you begin to question everything about your relationship, about his past, about things he said and did, and start to see that the way he had been treating you for the majority of the relationship was actually ABUSE? Do you begin to understand that verbal, emotional and psychological abuse is abuse and that all the ways he used those tactics of power and controlPower and Control Narcissism is almost entirely about gaining control over others. The narcissistic personality and More were to keep you as powerless as possible so that he could continue to abuse and control you?  power and control  emotional manipulationEmotional Manipulation is an emotionally unhealthy psychological strategy used by people who are incapable of asking for what More narcissistic supplyNarcissistic Supply refers to those people who provide a constant source of attention, approval, adoration, admiration, More
6. Does he attempt to reconcile with you with more lies and fake promises? Does he
   1. Promise he will change
   2. Agree to go to counseling even though you had begged him to before
   3. Agree to (stop drinking, stop using drugs, go to AA, stop going out, will never lie again)
   4. Guilt you and make you believe it is your fault for giving up on him
   5. Use your children as weapons or pawns
   6. Triangulate you with the other woman (or women)
   7. Claim he will stop seeing the other woman but you catch him in more lies
   8. Tell you that he has realized you are the “one” and asks you to marry him
   9. Cries, begs, pleads and other assorted attempts at emotional manipulationEmotional Manipulation is an emotionally unhealthy psychological strategy used by people who are incapable of asking for what More
   10. Threatens to “destroy you” if you don’t do what he wants
   11. Refuses to accept any boundariesBoundaries are an imaginary line that separates me from you. They separate your physical space, your More you try to instill and continues to call, text, show up at your house or job in an attempt to force you, manipulate you or scare you into reconciling. He may even stalk you to the point you are in fear or have to seek police intervention. HooveringHoovering is the term used to describe a narcissist trying to re-connect with you after a More
   12. Enlists the help of “flying monkeysFlying Monkeys are the individuals that a narcissist will recruit and then use to do their More” to either tell you how much you hurt him and how sad and pathetic he is or to emotionally berate of batter you into coming back. If that doesn’t work he immediately begins a “smear campaignSmear Campaign is the narcissist’s scorched-earth policy, leaving nothing but the burned wreckage of relationships and, sometimes, More” telling everyone who will listen what a terrible person you are and what a victim he is.
   13. When all else fails, he immediately blocks you on social media and pretends like you never existed while riding off into the sunset with his new supply.
       Are you emotionally reeling every minute trying to understand how someone you thought you loved and who you believed loved you could treat you as cruelly and terribly as they have? narcissistic abuseNarcissistic Abuse is a form of emotional abuse projected by a narcissist on to another individual, Although narcissistic abuse More
7. Do you have fantasies that if you take him, back that somehow he will change? Do you vacillate back and forth in your mind believing that it wasn’t “that bad” and that deep down he really does love you? Do you feel a huge void inside yourself that nothing seems to fill? Are you anxious, stressed, crying all the time, unable to eat or sleep, unable to concentrate at work, emotionally absent for your children? Do you feel hopeless, helpless or maybe even suicidal? co-dependent addictionCo-Dependent Addiction has been referred to as “relationship addiction” or “love addiction.” The focus on others More
8. Do you crave talking to him or seeing him even though you know deep inside it is toxic for you? Do you slip and see him or sleep with him or attempt a reconciliation even though he refuses to respect you or your feelings, keep any of his “promises,” or change anything about his behavior? co-dependencyCo-Dependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, More narcissistic abuseNarcissistic Abuse is a form of emotional abuse projected by a narcissist on to another individual, Although narcissistic abuse More cognitive dissonanceCognitive Dissonance occurs when a person holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values, or participates in an More
9. Do you feel as if you are paralyzed and unable to make decisions as if you are in a fog? Do you start to realize that your fear, obligation and guilt are keeping you trapped in an abusive situation? Do you start to do research online, discover blogs and on-line support groups for survivors of narcissistic abuseNarcissistic Abuse is a form of emotional abuse projected by a narcissist on to another individual, Although narcissistic abuse More, and recognize yourself among the people who are speaking up and speaking out about the abuse they suffered? Narcissistic FOGNarcissistic FOG FOG is an acronym that stands for Fear, Obligation, and Guilt.  Narcissists use FOG to More
10. Do you start to realize that the only way to heal from narcissistic abuseNarcissistic Abuse is a form of emotional abuse projected by a narcissist on to another individual, Although narcissistic abuse More is to go no contactNo Contact means that you know there is no point going around in a three-ring circus More, or modified no contact (grey rock)Modified No Contact (Grey Rock) The grey rock method is a practice where an individual becomes emotionally non-responsive, boring, and More if you have children? Do you begin to take the steps forward necessary to separate from your narcissist? You contact a therapist, you contact an attorney if needed, you found yourself here, on this website, asking yourself all the right questions and taking all the necessary steps to leave your abuser and begin to heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuseNarcissistic Abuse is a form of emotional abuse projected by a narcissist on to another individual, Although narcissistic abuse More.

***Recovery from narcissistic abuseNarcissistic Abuse is a form of emotional abuse projected by a narcissist on to another individual, Although narcissistic abuse More is a long and difficult process. Learning about narcissistic personality disorderNarcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) The hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and More and other Cluster bCluster B Personality Disorders are characterized by dramatic, overly emotional, or unpredictable thinking or behavior. They More disorders is only the first step. We hope that this illustration of the CYCLE OF ABUSECycle of Abuse The primary model that has been offered for how narcissists abuse their partners More, and what it feels like and some real-world examples of what to look for during the IDEALIZATIONIn the beginning of a romantic relationship with a narcissist, a victim may describe the initial infatuation More, DEVALUATIONGradually, the target begins to see bright red flags that indicate a problem in this More, and DISCARDDiscard When the victim asks for compromise, reciprocity, empathy, integrity, honesty, and boundaries (all healthy More phases has been helpful for you in understanding what you have been through and the effects that this kind of trauma has on people.