PHASE ONE: IDEALIZATION

  1. When you met was he honest about who he was or did you find out things about him over time that he withheld or outright lied about only after you were emotionally invested? trickle truths gaslighting
  2. In the beginning of your relationship did it feel like a dream or a fairy tale? Did he overwhelm you with praise, did he focus all his attention on you, did he buy you gifts, write you cards or poetry and declare his undying love for you very early on (within weeks or a few months) of meeting him? Did he use phrases like “soulmate” or “twin flame” or make statements about destiny and other grand romantic notions? love bombing
  3.  Did you believe you had finally met your soulmate? Did he encourage you to believe that it was the two of you against the world? love bombing gaslighting
  4. Did you find your relationship moved very fast? Spending all your time together, neglecting friends or family, wanting or needing to be together all the time? Did he make you feel like you were neglecting his needs if you wanted space or tried to enact any boundaries? love bombing
  5. Did he seem to share your values, agree with your opinions, and have similar life goals? narcissistic mirroring
  6. Did he start discussing your future together at a very early stage of your relationship? Did he make promises and give you reasons to invest in those promises? future faking
  7. Did he talk about his past relationships as if he was a victim of abuse or that he was wrongly or unfairly treated? Did he paint his exes as mentally unstable, jealous or cruel? Did you find yourself feeling sorry for him or unreasonably disliking his exes? triangulation gaslighting
  8. Are his relationships with his exes either completely fractured or he keeps all his exes around and claims they are all “friends?” triangulation  gaslighting
  9. Did he have a very difficult and sad or abusive childhood? Did you find yourself feeling an intense need to save, fix, love, and heal him into wholeness? Did he either make you believe (by telling you) or you believed that you were the only one who could love his pain away? co-dependency
  10. Did you come to realize over time that he didn’t have any real friends or anyone in his life (other than family) who he maintained relationships with over time? Did you begin to notice that his relationships with others were superficial and often fractured, hostile and difficult? Did he tend to have problems with people at work and in other areas of his life that were always the other person’s fault? narcissistic personality disorder

***Did you have moments in this early part of the relationship that something he told you rang untrue, that you felt he wasn’t being honest or that he was withholding things from you but you couldn’t put your finger on it, that something in your gut was telling you not to trust him, or there were things about him that just didn’t add up and you ignored your instincts and inner voice? You have been conned by a narcissist and you are now the primary source of Narcissistic Supply.

 

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