PHASE ONE: IDEALIZATION

1. When you met were they honest about who they were or did you find out things about them over time that they withheld or outright lied about only after you were emotionally invested? trickle truthsTrickle Truths means that the narcissist is continuing to lie and continuing to behave in damaging, More gaslightingGaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person covertly sows seeds of doubt in a More
2. In the beginning of your relationship did it feel like a dream or a fairy tale? Did they overwhelm you with praise, did they focus all their attention on you, did they buy you gifts, write you cards or poetry and declare their undying love for you very early on (within weeks or a few months) of meeting them? Did they use phrases like “soulmate” or “twin flame” or make statements about destiny and other grand romantic notions? love bombingLove Bombing involves being showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future with someone making More
3.  Did you believe you had finally met your soulmate? Did they encourage you to believe that it was the two of you against the world? love bombingLove Bombing involves being showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future with someone making More gaslightingGaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person covertly sows seeds of doubt in a More
4. Did you find your relationship moved very fast? Spending all your time together, neglecting friends or family, wanting or needing to be together all the time? Did they make you feel like you were neglecting their needs if you wanted space or tried to enact any boundariesBoundaries are an imaginary line that separates me from you. They separate your physical space, your More? love bombingLove Bombing involves being showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future with someone making More
5. Did they seem to share your values, agree with your opinions, and have similar life goals? narcissistic mirroringNarcissistic Mirroring because early childhood circumstances prevent narcissists from establishing a stable sense of identity and More
6. Did they start discussing your future together at a very early stage of your relationship? Did they make promises and give you reasons to invest in those promises? future fakingFuture Faking is promising a future that the manipulator has no intention of keeping. Instead, they More
7. Did they talk about their past relationships as if they were a victim of abuse or that they were wrongly or unfairly treated? Did they paint their exes as mentally unstable, jealous or cruel? Did you find yourself feeling sorry for them or unreasonably disliking their exes? triangulationTriangulation is when a toxic or manipulative person, often a person with strong narcissistic traits, brings More gaslightingGaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person covertly sows seeds of doubt in a More
8. Are their relationships with their exes either completely fractured or they keep all their exes around and claim they are all “friends?” triangulation Triangulation is when a toxic or manipulative person, often a person with strong narcissistic traits, brings More gaslightingGaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person covertly sows seeds of doubt in a More
9. Did they have a very difficult and sad or abusive childhood? Did you find yourself feeling an intense need to save, fix, love, and heal them into wholeness? Did they either make you believe (by telling you) or you believed that you were the only one who could love their pain away? co-dependencyCo-Dependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, More
10. Did you come to realize over time that they didn’t have any real friends or anyone in their life (other than family) who they maintained relationships with over time? Did you begin to notice that their relationships with others were superficial and often fractured, hostile and difficult? Did they tend to have problems with people at work and in other areas of their life that were always the other person’s fault? narcissistic personality disorderNarcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) The hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and More

***Did you have moments in this early part of the relationship that something they told you rang untrue, that you felt they weren’t being honest or that they were withholding things from you but you couldn’t put your finger on it, that something in your gut was telling you not to trust them, or there were things about them that just didn’t add up and you ignored your instincts and inner voice? You have been conned by a narcissist and you are now the primary source of Narcissistic SupplyNarcissistic Supply refers to those people who provide a constant source of attention, approval, adoration, admiration, More.