What does tone deaf mean?

 

The dictionary defines tone deaf is defined as:  

1: relatively insensitive to differences in musical pitch

2: having or showing an obtuse insensitivity or lack of perception particularly in matters of public sentiment, opinion, or taste

 

Narcissists consistently show an obtuse insensitivity to anyone or anything other than themselves. They are so laser focused on their own perspective, they often don’t realize they are saying things that cruel and hurtful to people present.

 

Lack of self-awareness equals tone deaf

 

Narcissists lack self-awareness and are thus considered tone deaf in most situations. Narcissists are unable to self-reflect, they never think they’re the problem. They will continue to blame-shift, manipulate, and emotionally abuse those closest to them. My father literally couldn’t see that he was describing himself when he was telling a story about his friend. He had walked out of his only child’s life as well as his only 2 grandchildren. He completely abandoned us, wasn’t dependable, and just didn’t care.

 

 

The Emperor Never Has Clothes (Narcissists are Critical of Narcissists)

Narcissists are very critical of other narcissists (leaving you rolling your eyes in disbelief). During that last year and a half of “good,” I hosted my father for dinner at my home with my family many times. One time, early on, he shared a story about one of his close friends with everyone around the table. This friend of his was having trouble with his 2 adult sons. The friend, “Rich,” owned a successful business with multiple locations. Both of his adult sons worked for him. Something happened and each of the sons sided with their mother, Rich’s ex-wife, and Rich decided to cut them off. He fired both of them and stopped talking to them. My father told Rich that he really shouldn’t do this, these are his children, he needs to speak to them. I found myself looking for the hidden cameras. Surely, we were being “Punk’d.” My father was completely seriously telling all of us about how he reacted to his friend cutting off his own children without any realization that he had been doing the exact same thing to us for the last 3 years. What???

My narcissist told me with a straight face how he’d told his friend you have to talk to your children. It’s as if my father could see clearly his friend’s narcissistic traits without seeing that he had done the same thing!

 

 

Narcissists are stuck in their arrested development

 

Narcissists don’t like to be told what to do. They usually double-down on their bad behavior instead of suddenly realizing the errors of their ways. When something like trauma, impairs ones ability to emotionally mature, this is known as arrested development.

Arrested development also refers to a failure to achieve typical benchmarks of emotional development, especially the inability to regulate your own emotions. Basically, narcissists are arrested in their emotional development of childhood and have never progressed.

Read more about narcissists and their arrested development in a previous blog post here.

 

I wrote about this in my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships: How to Identify, Live With or Leave the Narcissist in Your Life.” 

 

“Narcissists never develop a secure sense of self. They may look overindulged in material things, but they’re devoid of essential emotional attachment.

Interestingly, all narcissists are emotionally unavailable but not all emotionally unavailable people are narcissists.

 

As adults, narcissists’ emotions are almost frozen to their childhood emotions. They have similar reactions to children, as adults going into tantrums, throwing emotional grenades, giving the silent treatmentSilent Treatment The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies. It, and punishing their offenders. They still seek revenge on offenders or those they deem as disloyal.”

 

What can you do in preparation for your next special occasion/family gathering/holiday?

 

If you’ve experienced the chaos, the circus, and the conflict, you know how narcissists ruin and wreck every holiday, special occasion, family gathering. You’ve witnesses the narcissistic rage storms. You’ve been punished with the silent treatmentSilent Treatment The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies. It. It’s just the worst experience. You’ve even debated about attending the event. 

 

Paulo Coelho said “a mistake repeated more than once is a choice.” Don’t choose to engage in their circus again. Make peace your choice.  

 

How can you prepare yourself?

In Narcissists R.U.I.N. & Wreck Every Special Occasion, you’ll master strategies to disarm and disengage the narcissistic rage storm and flip the script, so you dictate how the holiday goes. You’ll get the playbook on what to do and what not to do so they can’t ruin another day.

 

Your special days will be fun. Your holidays will be joyous. You and your loved ones will be able to cherish looking back at these core memories (without a stomachache).

This course will give you an MBA – (Mental armor, Boundary building, & Assertive actions) to finish with a PhD – peaceful holiday dinners!

 

I’d love to speak with you. Book a free coaching session here.  I get it. I’ve been there. This is why it’s so important to talk to someone after you’ve suffered this type of abuse. But not just anyone. You need to find someone who’s familiar with narcissistic personality disorderNarcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) The hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and. You see, I didn’t get here by accident. I didn’t set out to become a narcissistic abuseNarcissistic Abuse is a form of emotional abuse projected by a narcissist on to another individual, Although narcissistic abuse recovery coach. But after I’d suffered this kind of abuse, I realized that my story and my experience could help so many people who’ve suffered similarly. When someone tells me about their struggles and their story, I’m not just understanding. I really get it. I’ve been there. I’ve felt those same emotions, that same rage, and loss.

Check out The Narcissist Slayers podcast

 

You can find my book “Wrecking Ball Relationships” on Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and lynncatalano.com.

 

If you’re looking for my Top 10 Answers to your Top 10 Questions about Narcissists, just go here.

 

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